ADVICE: AUNTIE AGNI.

I am a 15-year-old girl from a middle class family. My parents, two sisters and I live in the upper portion of a two-storey house in Islamabad and my grandparents reside in the lower portion.

My grandmother has a habit of collecting 'garbage'. She has cardboard boxes filled with almost everything, including books, which she keeps in her room, my grandfather's room and the informal living room. She also refuses to throw away empty bottles, used pens, used registers and old clothes. We have tried cleaning the living room, but my grandmother gets extremely angry when we do so.

There are layers of dust on everything and, because she does not clean up after herself in the kitchen, the place has become infested with ants and insects. This affects my mother, who has become angry and frustrated. She wants to move, but my father is not willing to do so because the house belongs to our grandparents.

Because of the layout of the house, we cannot have a direct staircase to our portion when we want to invite guests over. The house needs to be renovated, but my grandfather refuses to talk about this.

'My grandmother is a hoarder'

My grandmother is mentally unstable and refuses to get medical help. She is sweet and kind but such things make it very hard to live with her. What should I do?

Unsure Gal

Dear Unsure Gal,

It's clear that you're facing a challenging situation with your grandmother's hoarding behaviour. Hoarding is a complex mental health issue and you need to handle it carefully so you don't end up damaging your relationship with your grandmother.

Please begin by educating yourself about hoarding disorder. Hoarders often develop irrational beliefs about objects and find it distressing to get rid of them. Therefore, I would suggest you listen to your grandmother and use the same language she uses to refer to her possessions. Focus on the safety aspects rather than the messy environment and offer to help her make decisions at her pace.

It seems from your letter that...