Postpartum depression can't be seen but it can destroy a new mother.

Lack of friends and family support after childbirth ends up compounding a new mum's feelings of anxiety and hopelessness

mahvish-ahmed MAHVISH AHMED

'Baccha hi paida kiya hai, koi maarka nahin mara [Just because you've given birth to a child doesn't mean you've achieved something extraordinary],' said the mother in law, as she moaned and groaned over her pain of postpartum stitches.

'I can't deal with the baby crying all through the night, I have to go to work in the morning', said the husband as he picked up his pillow and made an exit from the bedroom.

'Ham to delivery ke aglay din se hi kitchen sambhaal rahey thay, mehmaanon ki khidmat kar rahey thay, aur yahan tum se uth ke kaprhey bhi nahin badlay jaa rahey [We were back in the kitchen and looking after guests only a day after our delivery. And here you can't even change your own clothes]' said her own mother, as she cried due to the excruciating pain of cracked nipples.

Although pains of various types, in addition to postpartum depression (PPD) after giving birth, are realities - neither the pain is recognised in our desi culture, nor the depression understood.

However, the fact is that while some mothers don't even experience 'baby blues' and feel joyful and positive post-delivery, many women feel sad or anxious.

In order to get first-hand information on what Pakistani mothers go through after giving birth, I conducted a small survey on my blog. One of the participants of the survey said: 'When I gave birth, I felt nothing for my baby and I couldn't believe that what I waited for desperately for 9 months only gave me emptiness and fright."

Photo of the author

"My lack of ability to love my child like a mother made me cry for hours. I felt irritable and even the sight of my husband disgusted me! My guilt about my feelings ate me up like termites. I wish someone had told me that it's normal to experience such symptoms of PPD after childbirth because it wasn't me. It was the depression'.

In our culture, expressing sadness or anxiety after having a baby is not welcome - many mums are admonished for being ungrateful, as one must thank Allah for His blessing, not complain.

Consequently, they are not given room to voice their true feelings. If they express that they are rather overwhelmed, they are made to feel inadequate; they are made to feel bad for the emotions that are not just normal or natural, they are also beyond her control.

Having a baby is no small deal; in addition to the physical toll it takes on the mother, it alters life as she knew it. Her time is not hers anymore. Simple daily tasks don't remain simple anymore. Getting the time to shower or have a cup of tea without having to re-heat it multiple times becomes a luxury.

There is fatigue, sleepless nights, and a general feeling of being overwhelmed with a duty which is complex and demanding.

If it's her first baby, being a first-timer seems daunting. If it is her second or third, more is being added to her already brimming plate.

Many women in our society feel largely misunderstood and overburdened by the idea of immediate recovery during their postnatal days...