A Mother's Love.

A question I always ask a client in therapy is when she was a child and if something caused her distress, who would she seek comfort from? Some say it's their mother, father, or an older sibling, and many say that it's no one. Since becoming a therapist and amongst my personal relations, I observed that an adult who had a safe and stable relationship with her mother as an infant had higher self-esteem and a positive self-view despite any trauma she might have experienced as a child or in her adult life. I imagine that within the psyche, there is a container that needs a mother's love and must be filled at least to a half mark within childhood. That is enough for that child to steer her way through a life that will have its share of significant traumatic experiences. It's almost like maternal love is the firm ground the adult discovers as an infant, and from that ground, she can look out towards life and face any challenges that come her way.

One of the most profound theories in psychoanalytic psychology, called the 'object relations theory,' maintains that the infant's relationship with the mother primarily determines personality development, and my experience as a therapist time and again shows evidence of the truth in this theory.

I also believe that those adults who did not feel loved and found safety in their relationship with their mother struggle more in interpersonal relationships. They are more anxious and prone to experiencing depression at some point of time in their adult life. They have a more profound sense of insecurity. Despite their success in their life, the purpose of insecurity in interpersonal relationships is like a tsunami of intolerable feelings that continue to threaten to drown them.

I also feel that even when an adult's relationship changes for the better with a mother who was either abusive, emotionally unavailable, or negligent in her early years and the mother changes herself and becomes loving and emotionally available, it can improve the relationship. Still, I don't believe it can compensate for the...