Last year started with a prime minister being deposed, and went on to see an economy going down an IMF-monitored drain, an army presser saying they do not interfere in politics after they did, in fact, interfere in politics, an assassination attempt on that former prime minister and, finally, audio leaks about political logrolling and sexual fantasies.

So just like any other year then.

Imran Khan recently blamed the incumbent government for letting the Tehreek-i-Taliban Pakistan (TTP) regroup, which started attacking civilian areas again. This, from a man who once said they should be allowed to open offices in the country - maybe share PowerPoint presentations on their bombing plans with the city government - and called for peace talks with our 'misunderstood brothers'.

Which is how they regrouped. I don't even want to meet our more understood brothers.

The present government has responded in strong terms - by doing absolutely nothing - while the TTP has formed a parallel government. All differences aside, maybe they can lend us their finance minister?

This new year looks like it's going to be worse than the year before, which was even worse than the year before, which was even worse the year before that...

Let's forget the past year and a looming worse year. Instead, let's recount our achievements on our Diamond Jubilee...

In more positive annual developments, the last year also saw Pakistan's diamond jubilee. Not as great as our golden Jubilee, the chocolate, but still an impressive feat, considering we've suffered through three wars, three dictatorships and three Ali Zafar albums to get here.

We overcame covid. That's good news. Even the virus couldn't survive the Air Quality Indexes of Lahore and Karachi.

We've concluded 75 years of independence. In fact, we're so independent, we're independent from taxation, housing by-laws, the justice system and toilet manners - because everywhere you go there's some graffiti imploring us to not piss on the wall.

We've had 75 years of political bickering and accusations of corruption. We have a party based on fighting corruption, we have songs about corruption, we have generals and bureaucrats with offshore accounts who sing those songs about corruption. But little of it is actual corruption, they call it 'smart tax management'.

Seventy-five years of sporting excellence, four hockey world cups and one cricket world cup that people now wish we'd never won. World domination in squash, the sport, and...

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